right now

“…and if I asked you to name all the things that you love, how long would it take for you to name yourself?”

I saw this on Pinterest the other day and it’s been on my mind a lot lately – it being Valentine’s Day last week and it just being pertinent in light of what I’m trying to accomplish here within this blog.

About 9 months ago I had a health-scare that landed me in the hospital for a week (much more on that fun time later). Prior to that, I was working on losing some weight. At that time, I was standing on the scale every week and looking in the mirror at myself thinking, “sheesh,” and listing the things I hated (the usual suspects): stomach isn’t flat, abs aren’t too visible, waist isn’t snatched, arms aren’t toned, OMG look at my double chin etc. etc. In the midst of this I managed to lose 10 pounds. I was well on my way to losing the 30 pounds I wanted to lose before turning 30 in November, but I can’t say I was particularly enjoying the journey. Sure, I was encouraged when I saw the number on the scale plummeting and began seeing the results of all my hard work. That’s a given. But if you asked me to name all the things that I love, my body would’ve surely been left off the list.

I was putting too much pressure on myself. 30 pounds by 30 years old – I was on track, but all I could think about was how much further I had to go. Why was I being so hard on myself? I constantly felt like I was failing.

I read a book called ALL THINGS NEW a couple months after my hospitalization (don’t worry, definitely more on that another time but in all honesty just go buy the book now – it’s magnificently written by Lauren Miller). In it, Miller writes:

“It’s not uncommon for people who suffer trauma to experience what we call ‘post-traumatic growth.’ A radical, positive change in the wake of adversity. A paradigm shift. Instead of setting them back the trauma becomes a catalyst for growth.”

And that’s exactly what happened to me, in more ways than one.

I learned that my body is amazing. That it’s beautiful. That it’s strong. That it’s powerful beyond belief. I got out of the hospital and was so grateful to my body for fighting and for healing. I felt proud, and also sad. Sad my body had to go through all that it went through, but proud that it was capable of withstanding so much trauma. Proud that my vitals were always strong. Proud that my legs helped me get out of the bed and walk when the nurses thought I’d need a walker. Proud that my arms helped me push myself up when my torso was in too much pain to use.

Long story short, all we have is right now. While we’re endeavoring to eat healthier and workout consistently in order to look in the mirror and see what we want to see and feel what we want to feel, we can’t forget to appreciate ourselves, as we are, right now in this moment.

And right now in this moment is a pretty great time to be healthy & alive. So, I urge you to give yourself a break. Give yourself credit. Give yourself time. Give yourself attention. Give yourself love. Give yourself power. Give yourself you.

walk it

A great many lessons can be learned from Migos. Yes, the hip hop trio – Quavo, Offset and Takeoff. You know them, you probably love them (whether you admit it or not) and I’m willing to bet you’ve referred to yourself as “bad and boujee” at least once because of them.

But I’m not here to talk “Bad and Boujee” – not today at least.  

I’m here to talk about “Walk It Talk It” – the song that’s been on a loop in my mind all week.

Walk It Like I Talk It

Walk It Like I Talk It

That’s pretty much how the whole hook goes (repeated) with some “woo’s,” some “yeah’s” and some “ayy’s” spinkled in.

If I’ve lost you thus far – perhaps because hip hop isn’t your jam, or maybe you’re just behind the times and still strictly on “Bad and Boujee” as far as Migos goes – any one of the following phrases can be referred to in lieu of your figuring out who or what Migos is and what this “Walk It Talk It” song is about (I’m looking at you, Dad).

Actions speak louder than words.

Practice what you preach.

Talk is cheap.

Don’t just talk about it, be about it.

Don’t trust words, trust actions.

Don’t tell people your dreams, show them.

Actions prove who someone is, words just prove who they want to be.

People who don’t back up their words with actions are typically said to 'talk a good game' or my personal favorite (in the UK) to be 'all mouth and no trousers' – i.e., in my case, repeatedly saying I want to lose weight but not taking the necessary steps (literally!) in order to do so.

So many things in life are easier said than done – a cliché that is overused (sorry) and truly betrays a lack of original thought, but only because of it being so undeniably pervasive. The good news is life has a way of kicking us in the pants (or in our lack of trousers) with impeccable timing, helping us to, for lack of eloquence, shut up and get what it is we keep talking about done.  

The beginning of this week I talked a big game. It started with the alarm going off in the morning and me telling myself I’d do the workout that evening instead. Then not. Then telling myself I’d do it tomorrow. Then not. This happened 3 days in a row. Meanwhile, I had this constant annoying reminder to walk it like I talk it stuck in my head, thanks to that song by Migos (and thanks to life, I suppose).

I woke up today, hit play on “Walk It Talk It” and got it done. Partly because I wanted that song out of my head (don’t get me wrong, it’s staying on my workout playlist indefinitely) but mostly because I don’t want to be that person who just talks about it ever again. I’ve done that enough.

The truth is sometimes we fail. We’re only human (another worthy cliché). I think if we forgive ourselves, listen to life’s reminders and minimize the time between failing and standing back up again – we’re probably doing alright.

opt outside

At 7:14am on Saturday my upstairs neighbor began hammering something – seemingly into the ground (i.e., my ceiling). It was as if a dark cloud passed overhead and blocked the sun right out of my Saturday morning in all its glory. No plans, nowhere to be. All I wanted to do was bask in the light, doze in and out of sleep, maybe catch up on some shows. This is what dreams are made of.

But no.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG.

At 7:22am I got an email from my dad (texting isn’t his thing – more on that later). He was looking for my blog. Like you, dear reader, he wanted to check it out. I sent him the link and told him about my neighbors who were HAMMERING something very LOUDLY. I was about to lose it – I told him my Saturday zen was “like nowhere to be found. Very sad.”

My dad’s response (it’s too good to paraphrase):

“Your Saturday zen is telling you to get up, get outside & enjoy the beautiful, peaceful & quiet morning.”

And just like that, the light of the sun suddenly started shining from behind the cloud (of hammering) and the silver lining was coming into view.

I got up, put on some workout clothes, grabbed my beach chair, a towel, a water, my book, some sunnies, my wireless speaker, my phone, a jump rope, and a 20lb medicine ball. And to the beach I went (only slightly struggling carrying all of these things).

I did my workout at the beach (circuit training, full body) and afterword sat there and marveled at the beauty, the peace, and the quiet.

If it weren’t for my neighbors’ heinous Saturday morning home improvement endeavors, I probably wouldn’t have made it down to the beach for my workout. And if it weren’t for my dad’s perfectly timed email, I likely would’ve missed the silver lining altogether. 

Note to self: the silver lining is always there; sometimes it’s just harder to see (or hear, if there's copious amounts of hammering going on).

Also: if your workout can be done outside (particularly at the beach), always opt outside.

keep going

“Just going to have you step on the scale real quick…”

“Ok… should I take my shoes off?”

“If you want to!”

*no brainer*

I took my boots off, obviously. That’s extra weight that I certainly do not want to claim as my own at this crucial weight loss juncture!

Reluctantly, while trying to channel all the skinny vibes I could think of, I stepped on the scale at the doctor’s office last Tuesday morning. Drum roll please…

After a solid week of working out and eating healthy I was pretty confidant I’d be down 10lbs (or perhaps at least 1lb, come on!). I got nothin’. The same rude number I’d seen the last time I stepped on a scale mocked me and reminded me of the golden rule: it takes time.

And it does. It takes time to train your body and your mind; to develop a routine; and for that routine to become a lifestyle.

So, I put my head down and got to work the rest of the week.

Wednesday – Circuit training (legs & cardio)

Thursday – Circuit training (arms & abs)

Friday – Circuit training (full body)

Saturday – Strength class at Allegiate gym  

Sunday morning I played 6 games of volleyball (that’s 2 vs 2 beach volleyball, just to be clear – I’m not talkin’ jungle ball here). I would argue that beach volleyball is one of the best forms of exercise there is. Volleyball is a full body workout in and of itself. Then you add soft sand and you’ve got yourself some sore muscles that you didn’t even know you had to begin with. Some people (you know who you are) have a hard time merely walking in soft sand, let alone running and jumping in it.

Around game 4 is when I’d normally feel like tapping out. On Sunday I vividly remember the moment I realized that I was feeling differently than I normally do at that point. I was feeling stronger. My legs weren’t shot. I still had gas in the tank.

Over the last several years I’ve started and stopped many exercise routines. The pattern that I’ve noticed is this:

1. I want to lose weight.

2. I workout for a couple weeks but don’t see immediate results.

3. I’m frustrated with myself for letting myself get this out of shape in the first place.

4. I hate the feeling of struggling through a workout that shouldn’t be this difficult for me as an athlete.

5. I hate working out and give up.

Rinse & repeat.

On Sunday I broke through a barrier. The scale may not tell the story just yet, but I know what I felt. I think I was finally able to swap in a new step #5 –

Keep going.

Keep training your body and your mind; keep developing a routine; and eventually that routine will become a lifestyle. The results will come. 

don't think just do it

Monday – Circuit training (legs & cardio)

Tuesday – 45 min walk

Wednesday – Circuit training (arms & abs)

Thursday – Off

Friday – Circuit training (full body)

Saturday – Orange Theory Fitness class

Sunday – Beach volleyball

I took it one day at a time last week and ended up stringing together a pretty balanced week of physical activity, which is ultimately the goal. I learned, however, that this only works if you’re completely honest with yourself. If you choose to listen, your body is a pretty clear communicator.   

After my ‘face the music’ epiphany on Tuesday (see previous post), I naturally had a resurgence of energy which lasted the whole of one lousy day. I vigorously completed my circuit training on Wednesday morning, but by Thursday I was ready for a break. And breaks are important. I probably didn’t need a break on Tuesday evening when I originally didn’t want to go on that walk; it was only Tuesday, after all. But by Thursday, I had 3 active days in the books and I just needed to relax. I made the commitment to myself to show up for circuit training Friday morning (and by show up I mean roll out of bed and do it in my apartment – whatever gets it done!). Thursday break; fire it back up Friday – seemed like a good plan, and it was! The tricky part came on Friday night when my sister-in-law asked me to go on a walk Saturday morning and I thought, “YES, that sounds way better than going to the 9am Orange Theory class I’m signed up for.”

It’s truly in the split-second decisions we make that the most crucial growth happens, I believe. I had plenty of time to cancel my 9am Orange Theory class and certainly wanted to (Orange Theory kicks my bum). I went back and forth in my head, trying to convince myself that I didn’t need to go to Orange Theory, I could just go on a walk. I’d already worked out hard 3 days that week plus I went on a walk, and I knew I was also playing volleyball on Sunday. It’s funny how intense the inner monologue is when you’re trying to convince yourself of something that you know you shouldn’t do.

In a split second, I decided that ultimately there would be times when I legitimately needed to cancel but this wasn’t one of them. So, I declined the offer to go on a walk and I somehow managed to show up at Orange Theory the next morning. I felt GREAT afterwards.

My dad has always said “don’t think just do it” when it comes to exercise (peculiar advice out of context) – he’s a man of routine and I admire him very much for his discipline. Perhaps instead of carrying on that inner monologue next time I want to bail on a workout I know I shouldn’t, I’ll just not think at all and JUST DO IT! I’m beginning to see what Nike saw in that slogan…

Sidenote, here’s what I love about Orange Theory, for those of you who haven’t tried it.

1. It pushes me outside of my comfort zone – via treadmills. I hate treadmills; never been an enthusiastic runner. Perhaps if we dove into my psyche we’d find that as an athlete, running was always associated with punishment (the dreaded statement, “Get on the line!”) and that’s where my aversion to running stems from. Regardless, Orange Theory provides the structure I need to allow my brain the comfort of knowing it will end and this isn’t forever (yes, running forever is what nightmares are made of). The coaches at Orange Theory lead you through very structured, timed intervals for which there is a guide plastered in front of you telling you at what speed and incline you should be at (base pace, push pace and all out pace). I wouldn’t say I look forward to this portion of the class, but treadmills and I are coming around in our relationship; I like the feeling of accomplishing something I wouldn’t normally attempt.

2. It has taught me a new skill – via the rower. At LMU the Volleyball team had 6am workouts. We’d feel sorry for ourselves until we showed up and saw the Rowing team already mid-workout on the rowers outside the weight room. I was always wowed by that, and now I’m wowed by the exercise they were doing. Rowing is no joke.

3. It incorporates exercises I’m familiar with and enjoy(ish) from my time as an athlete – via floor exercises/weights. It’s always nice, after having stepped outside your comfort zone on treadmill and suffered through rowing, to shine just a little bit when the coach sees your impeccable technique with weights. Thanks, LMU Strength and Conditioning!

All in all, the class is fast paced but you ultimately control your own level of intensity. You leave exhausted but energized. Not quite pumped about the next workout, but feeling accomplished and proud of yourself enough to get you there the next time. I think that’s a win, as far as I’m concerned.

Onward!